At some point over the last couple of week, I have crossed an interesting, yet invisible, milestone over here at T.I. Something has evolved because I am now noticing many more guys approaching me to walk together and chat around the track… sitting with me at chow… or approaching me at “my table” outside the rec facility that I sit at to hide while I am reading and writing. I am enjoying the more frequent interactions but I could go with a bit more alone time during reading/writing time but I have to remind myself… don’t sweat the small stuff.
One guy that lives in my unit approached me yesterday afternoon and opened the conversation by talking about a predicament that he is in regarding transferring from T.I to a camp. He is eligible to go to camp but apparently something he did last November is keeping him here until this coming November. Some disciplinary infractions stay with you for an entire year (or more) and can severely negatively impact your current and future life while with the BOP. Case and point in this situation. The conversation continued and he was explaining that he has camp points and should be entitled to go to camp even if he has a “shot” on his record… he deserves to be treated fairly…. he is going to send a formal complaint up the chain of command… on and on. At this point, I am getting increasingly more annoyed that I have to listen to him complain while I want to be walking, listening to music and enjoying my happy place out there. So, I finally stopped him mid-sentence and just say, “Don’t you feel like you are really just spinning your wheels attempting to fight a situation that is clearly not going to work in your favor? You got a 100 series shot (the worst type of disciplinary infraction) and you have problems with officers all the time… I think you’re kind of hit man…”. As the words left my mouth, I immediately felt my old instincts creeping back in and I began to mentally berate myself for not just listening, nodding and agreeing with every word he said and letting him vent.
But… then it happened… he said, “You’re right bro. Fck. I need to start putting my money where my mouth is and be about this sht instead of just bi**chin.” I was ripped out of my own mental BS and launched back into our conversation… extremely proud of both of us for getting to this point. What started as a one sided conversation evolved into one of the more interesting discussions that I have had since I have been here because I actually verbalized what I was thinking instead of mindlessly agreeing (as I used to always do).
We continued walking the track and talking for the next 3 hours. We discussed how emotional reactions rarely end well… the importance of being deliberate in thought and action (especially in here). That every day we listen to all the words that the guys in here say and agreed that we can find out a lot by listening to all the chatter but if you really want to know what a guy is about… study his actions… here is where you will find the man and his true worth. We transitioned into a long dialogue about the difference between the knowledgeable and the truly wise in prisons. The knowledge within these walls is vast and there are many “experts” in a variety of fields but a lot of these “experts” are constantly disagreeing and arguing. The reason for this (in my expert opinion 😉 ) is that they possess “facts” that they believe to be correct but these “facts” are actually opinions that can be interpreted in a number of different ways, and thus… it is the proper application of knowledge which constitutes actual wisdom. Actions speak louder than words. At the end of the day… be wise… show them, don’t tell them.
And yet again, I was and am blown away by some of the experiences that I have had thus far on this journey… as I continue to constantly find light in the darkness.