T.I. We have a problem!
I woke up Saturday morning just as I always do on the weekends… well rested… slept in until almost 7am… it isn’t too hot yet so the sun shining in through the window is a welcome addition to the room… all is well in room 15. Lets start our day.
I get down off the top bunk and take the step forward toward my locker to grab my toothbrush and toothpaste… I turn the handle and open the right door and holy sh*t…. this is not good. I immediately am greeted by what looks to be a million and one little black ants. Ants seemingly everywhere… ants on the walls… ants on my clothes… ants on food… ants on books… ants on pictures…ants in my underwear (as I am looking at this horror scene… I actually feel like ants are in the underwear that I am wearing so I check those real quick… no ants in there thankfully).
This is the exact situation that you hear other guys talk about every now and then… how horrible it is to get an ant infestation in your locker but it is one of the instances where you basically just think… “Damn… that sucks but thank god it isn’t me!”. Well Pal… just like most things in life… eventually it becomes you… and today is my day!
Now these ants are not just normal ants… they are well organized… viscously elusive… fast as hell… rollin deep ants. I don’t even know where to begin so I just yell… “I GOT ANTS!”… in the hope that my fellow homeboys will hear my war cry and come save me with the heavy artillery and wipe out my problem. What actually happened was as close as you can get in prison… my homeboys did come… and they began laughing at me… and laughing… and finally… “Damn Hollywood… that sucks! And they are everywhere. Get the bleach!” “The bleach?” I ask incredulously. “Yup… clear out every single thing in your locker… throw away anything that isn’t sealed… spread it all out in the hallway to make sure that there aren’t any hiding in folded shirts or something and bomb your whole locker with cleaning spray and bleach.” Welp… there goes my Saturday.
And so it begins… I take every single item out…now mind you… in real life… this is hardly anything but in here… it is my whole world of belongings and food that is essential to my survival. When you have a very limited amount of money to buy very specific things… every single rolled oat of oatmeal is crucially important… throwing out a whole bag is devastating but such is life and mandatory in my current situation. I get a towel laid out in the hallway in front of my room that will now serve as the “survivor area”… the items in my locker that are salvageable will rest on that towel… the rest have simply been too wounded by the ants from hell and will need to be laid to rest. As my locker is cleared… the whole picture starts to really materialize. These ants are coming out of every single possible crack…. hole… seemingly impossible to fit through area of my locker… they are everywhere… if Stephen King was making a movie about an ant phobia al la Arachnophobia ant style… my locker could be the opening shot. They are pouring in like pressurized water leaks through any possible crack that shows itself on a deep sea vessel at the bottom of the ocean… time to fumigate these bastards!
Cleaning solution bottle in my left hand…. Bleach spray bottle in my right hand… feeling dangerous… lets go to work! I blast away… covering every single millimeter of my locker… with my bunkie standing at the doorway horrified… praying to anyone/thing who will listen that they don’t invade his locker next. Spray… spray… spray… wipe… wipe… wipe… over and over and over again. The insane part is that no matter how much I spray and wipe… they keep coming and coming… I need a new tactic. But what else can I do?? I have no actual ant repellent… I have nothing but these cleaning supplies… and then I hear another homeboy yell from down the hall…. “DON’T TRIP HOLLYWOOD… I’M BRINGIN THE GORILLA GLUE AND TOOTHPASTE!”. “The what??!” In comes “OG” from down the hall… he has been around the block a time or two… and he has arrived with backup. He proceeds to instruct me on the process of eliminating my small but mighty enemy… plug any holes with gorilla glue and line the seams of the locker with thin lines of toothpaste… let it all dry and come back 20 minutes later. I am desperate by this point so with no questions asks… I follow his instructions and set my timer on my watch for 20 minutes. I then wearily head out of the room because I am getting a bit lightheaded with all the cleaning spray and bleach aroma.
I come back into the room as my alarm starts beeping… OG walking in behind me… we both take a look inside the locker and I hear… “I told you dem mothafu*ckas can’t mess with me”… OG was right… the holes were plugged… absolutely no ants entering through the cracks anymore… it was ant D-Day on the shelf surfaces due to all the chemical spray and just like that… crisis averted.
Teamwork. Once again… it took a village. I am learning over and over again these days that no matter what mountain stands in my way… with my real life super heroes by my side out there and my homeboys in here… I got this because WE got this together.
Thank you homeboys. Thank you OG. Thank you Gorilla Glue. Thank you Colgate.
Not Today Ants… Not Today.
Stay Healthy. Stay Active. Stay Ant Free.