This week I have been mentally consumed by two drastically different notions… 1 (the far lesser of the 2) – it is hot. And 2 – I miss my boys faces. Let’s start with #1…
It is hot and when it is hot… it is very hot behind these walls. Thankfully… because T.I. is right on the ocean… the waters have blessed me with yet another gift by dropping that temperature drastically from what it is inland. But even with this cool offering… it is still extremely hot in here. We live in units that are essentially concrete boxes with very little air flow so when the temperatures get in the 80s (lets not even think about 90s+)… the stagnant heat inside these hot boxes is not pleasant to say the least. Over the past week… when I get back from work and walk into the unit… I am smacked in the face by not only this hot… humid… lingering air but there is also the lovely scene of 150 guys all experiencing this heat together and all the pungent smells that come from this experience. This… is not cool. As I walk down the hallway… it is as if you are walking through the hospital of a military base after battle… guys in their boxers… sprawled out on their “cots”… gasping for air… sweaty and uncomfortable… moaning and complaining… some of them laying on the tile floor praying for relief. Grown men… completely taken out by the powers of the sun… it is certainly a sight to see and one that I would much rather “enjoy” from afar but I am fully entrenched in all the sweaty glory of it. And… according to the news… we are looking at another week of this heat so please send cold and breezy vibes to T.I… we need it. Thank you.
And then there is the second… all consuming manic mental state that I have been in over the past week… I am missing my boys faces incredibly badly. I say “their faces”… because although I blanket statement just miss them beyond words… it is the ability to physically see them… interact with them… hug them… kiss their heads and hold their hands that I cannot get over. I was talking to my oldest on the phone at the end of the week and out of nowhere… aka he has been thinking about this… he says, “Daddy. I know why that lady says “this call is from a federal prison” while we are on the phone every time.” “Ohh yeah buddy – why do you think that is?” “Well… you know how we play rock, paper, scissor on the phone?” “Yes I do.” “Well… I think she thinks we are using code words so that I can come break you out of there so she wants to keep telling us that she is there cuz she knows I am breaking you out.” (For clarity – there is absolutely no code game via rock, paper, scissor with my 5 year old going on to break me out of prison) Obviously this makes the tears start to creep toward my eye lids and I tell him that we are going to work together every single day to “break me out of here” until I am back with him… one game of rock, paper, scissor at a time. He then goes on to tell me that when I am out and back with him… he can’t wait for me to knock on his door and he “is going to open it and then run as fast as he can and jump into my arms”. Okay – now the tears are there. I tell him that my “heart is melting” hearing him say that and in a way only he could do… he says, “No Daddy. Don’t let your heart melt because then you will die.” “Okay buddy… you’re right. I won’t let it melt.” I cherish conversations like this with my boys… but it also breaks my heart in a billion pieces. I cannot wait to be at the door… with arms wide open… ready to scoop my boys up into the air and never let them go but until that day comes… Man… I miss them more than I ever could have thought it was possible to miss anything or anyone.
For those of you out there… anxiously looking over the precipice into the depths of this journey to the concrete boxes on the other side of the fence… cherish those last moments with your loved ones out there. I remember those days vividly… prior to coming in here and while it is so tough to not be completely consumed by the “what will my life be like in there”… stay in the moment and genuinely be with the ones that matter while you can because it will be these memories that carry you through.
And to end on a lighter note…
Dear Air Conditioning,
I didn’t know how much I needed you in my life until I did not have you. Just know that if you do ever decide to come back into my life and move in to F Unit… I will appreciate you every moment of every day that we get to be together. I will cherish you and relish in your ability to infinitely make my days more enjoyable. I love you air conditioning and miss you so much.
Until the day we meet again…
Love,
Zach
Stay Healthy. Stay Active. Wear Sunscreen.
I love you boys… I cannot wait to be on the other side of that door every single day of our lives plus a few more.