Well this past week was one of those weeks where I look up and all of the sudden… it’s Friday. I always find it interesting when I have weeks such as this one in here… when life just becomes life and there is no overwhelming emotion one way or another… just livin’ the best and only way that I know how over here at the beach. As I have said in the past… I appreciate weeks like this because they mirror the real world in the way that we all wake up… go to work and handle our business throughout the week… however that may look for you… without any sort of anomaly event or epiphany to speak of. “Boring” can be nice when things have been not so boring as of late.
I will share one little story from these past few days. I went back and forth whether I should actually dive into this tale on here but it’s just one of those things that took place and once I had a second to process… I can only shake my head and laugh. One of those stories that I will tell my boys one day about the absolute absurdity that is their Dad’s life at the moment. One of those stories that due to the platform… I must say… may be true… may not be true and this ‘maybe factual story’ is a bit… well… you will see…
As I have said before… there are multiple types of units on the compound… some are open dorm living where all the guys live in one big space… some are cell living like an old school jail with bars and toilets in the actual cell… and others are “room” style living with rooms like small college dorm rooms and a community bathroom on each “range” or hallway. This past week in my unit which is one of the room style units… there was a curious situation of the officer smelling “something” coming from one of the rooms. Now any type of smoke or anything like smoking is 100% prohibited in here so that is a big “no-no”. The first evening that this happened… the officer made some comments but the smell was just weird and a bit inconclusive so he let the issue pass and moved on. Then evening two rolls around and the same smell starts to creep down the hallway and this time the officer has had enough and wants to get to the bottom of where it is coming from and put a stop to it. So Officer Lenard (not his actual name) shuts the door on the range so that no one can leave and gets everyone’s attention.
“Okay gentlemen… someone on this range in smoking. You have 30 seconds to fess up and own it before I come down there and figure it out for myself… which you DO NOT want me to have to do!” Silence… waiting… waiting… no one moves a muscle or says a word. “Alright fellas. Everyone… outside your doors… backs to the wall… have nothing in your hands and do not move or speak.” All of us step outside our door and stand with our backs’ against the wall. My eyes dart back and forth down the hallway to see who seems nervous… who is mouthing what to whom… creating my own hypothesis as to what is about to happen. I see Lenard turn the corner and stop at the first set of guys… “HANDS!”. They look at him with a perplexed look on their faces. “HANDS NOW!!” They both raise their hands and Lenard proceeds to take a long whiff of both the guys fingers. “Well this is a first”… I think to myself. As good ol’ Lenny gets to the third set of guys and smells the first hand… he clearly finds what he is looking for and says… “Peters (not his actual name)… get to the front of the range now!” He smells his bunkies hands next…. “Matherson… you too!”. I watch as Lenny continues to walk down the hallway… smelling hand after hand… finger after finger. Then out of the corner of my eye… I see One Eye Shawn (close to actual name)… “Shawn” lost his eye in a welding accident about 4 years ago here at T.I and has worn an eye patch and picked up the name ever since… I see him unbuckle his khaki pants. “What is he doing?” I think to myself. Shawn proceeds to cautiously watch Lenny sniff away about 3 “houses” down and his hands start to slowly inch back toward his lower back. “Ohh god… No Shawn No… No fing way this is happening”… I am screaming inside my head. But it is happening…. I am standing there and 5 feet away from me… there he goes… a grown 58 year old man… eye patch and all… with both of his hands inserted into the crack of his a. I cannot believe what I am seeing. Lenny is now next door… I start to sweat. This can’t be happening. Lenny sniffs Shawn’s bunkies fingers… “Martinez…. to the front of the range!”. “Hands up Anderson (Not One eyed Shawn’s last name)!” Time slows down…. Lenny takes a whiff. “WHAT THE FCK. GOD DAMNIT ANDERSON YOU SON OF A B*TCH. GET YOUR ASS TO THE FRONT!” “The rest of you… back in your rooms. NOW!”
I am in shock. Lenny couldn’t smell one more set of fingers after that one… this exercise was over and the guys at the front of the range were escorted straight to the hole.
And this… is a prime example of the cover up being exponentially worse than the crime and also… just a standard Tuesday evening over here at T.I. What a life I am living… a life filled with good… bad…crazy…uplifting… and unfortunately disgusting… all the colors. And as always… have to just laugh at the absurdity of it all… find the light in the darkness.
With that…
Stay Healthy. Stay Active. I Apologize for Shawn’s behavior and that I had to share it with you.