I am sure us khaki suits in here are not alone in the following of the Diddy case… as every time I turned on the news this past Friday… there was something about his sentencing on there. Obviously given the circumstances… the guys in here are probably slightly more interested than the general population but for me personally… his sentencing made me really take a moment and think about the fluidity and fragility of life. I am not going to get into the specifics of his case or how I feel about what he did or didn’t do or his sentence length or any of that because his life is his life and none of my concern. But what his case did do was make me think about how us human beings go about our days making decisions and how these decisions impact our lives and the lives of the people around us. And how these micro-choices compound and grow to such an extent that they have the power to sway the pendulum of life in such a profound manner.
I started thinking about my own life and flashing back to that one phone call that shifted the course of everything. Then that one email… which led to that one choice where I went left instead of right. I think this is one of the largest misconceptions of most (because I am sure there are outliers) criminal decisions… that it was this huge plan all along to do whatever it is that was done and prior to “doing it”… us criminals had the blueprints drawn up and all we needed to do was hit ‘go’. In the majority of the cases… certainly in my own… and most of the guys that I have talked to behind these gates… there was never an over arching plan of destruction… it was one horribly idiotic decision that led to a ridiculously messed up action that then led to another. One choice… that’s all it took. And because our human brains can be self-manipulated in all kinds of crazy ways… once that one choice is made… we then trick ourselves into thinking that we can correct that error by doing that other thing that we decide will solve everything… leading to… you guessed it… bad decision number 2 and the compounding begins. The decisions we make shape our lives and cause unbelievably powerful ripple effects through our world.
So… I’m in my thoughts and day dreams about my life and the decisions that I have made on Friday evening when one of the homeboys approaches my “house”. “Yo Hollywood. I just finished this book and it really is about thinking deep and sh*t so I figured it may be something that you would be interested in checking out” he says. Taking his statement as one of those prison style compliments… I thank him and take the book… placing it on top of my bed to check out later that night. I go about the rest of the evening routine and just before lights out… I grab the book to get a feel for the vibe. As I open the front cover and turn a couple pages… I land on the first page… the one just prior to the book actually beginning that sometimes has a “For Mom and Dad…” or some other short blurb leading you into the meat. But in this particular instance… as if the world once again had some weird Instagram algorithm that could read my thoughts and mental search history… the blurb read…
Henry David Thoreau. Walden, his 1854 reflection on simple living. “The cost of a thing is the amount of life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.”
The cost of a thing. The cost of our decisions. Man… it hit me in the face. My decisions have cost so much. So much time… so much heartache… so much loss… so much pain… so much missing and longing and wishing and hoping and questioning and paying. “The amount of life which is required to be exchanged for it…” – I mean come on. I immediately started thinking about teaching my son how to tie his shoes… or the reality that I am not there to teach him how to tie his shoes. And how much my decisions and actions have cost us both. Then I’m transported to my youngest son’s flag football game and how he excitedly tells me about the touchdown that he scored in his last game and that fills me with joy but… I wasn’t there. The cost of my decisions and actions is unbelievably expensive.
I believe that this notion touches us all in different ways. If you think about the world that we currently find ourselves in today… we are constantly reminded of the consequences of that one decision. Those individuals who woke up one morning and decided that this was going to be the day and grabbed that gun. The man on that train sitting behind her and decided in that moment that he believed she should no longer be alive. Those agents deciding to go to that Home Depot on that day… the one that your family member goes to and is standing outside of on that morning. That decision to drive after 3 drinks because your house is only a couple miles away. That first pill you take because your back is killing you. The decisions we make… every action has an equal and opposite reaction… right? I think the power of our actions get lost in the hustle of every day life until we make that one decision that starts the under current for the tsunami that is to come. Take it from someone who is livin’ the “reaction” part… who is paying the cost… be conscious of your decisions and actions and when you get that little feeling in your gut that tells you not to do that thing… listen to it.
I do want to close by recognizing the fact that my thought process this week focused on the cost or negative consequences of ill advised decisions given my circumstances… Diddy and the book blurb of it all but this concept also applies to the good things in life. When we show up for him or her and change their entire day for the better. When we make that call at just the right time and say just the right thing to turn everything around for him. We have an unbelievable amount of opportunity in life to make the right decisions that positively impact the world around us… sometimes in ways that we are completely unaware of. So… please… make more of those. I am certainly doing my best to make them right there with you.
Stay Healthy. Stay Active. You are more powerful than you know… use it wisely.