Monday 03-14-2022
“CHOOOOOW TIME!” I slowly blink open my eyes and see the exterior lights shining brightly through the window just slightly left and 3ft above my head. After squinting a bit more, I can clearly see the moon hanging in the sky above the lights but my door has been unlocked, opened and it is apparently time to eat breakfast. I assume it is about 4am-ish but without a clock or the sun, I can’t be sure. I walk out of my room and grab my brown, 3 compartment tray. The contents of which are a massive piece of coffee cake with chocolate chips in it, some sort of corn meal pudding, corn flakes and a clear bag of milk. I bite the corner of the milk bag in order to spray it onto the corn flakes but then realize that I do not have anything to eat the cereal with… hmmm… look around the room. Mini toothbrush… perfect. I proceed to eat everything on the tray with my right eye still completely closed and my left eye at half mass. I finish my meal and place the tray on top of my locker because the guard locked my door after I initially went out to get my food. I then lay back down to hopefully get some more sleep because staying awake from 4am to nighttime would be way too much “thinking” time for me. Thankfully, I dose off until a booming voice is yelling “TRAYYY” at me which apparently means that I need to get back up and take my empty tray back to the “chow cart”… I follow suit… now lets try this sleep thing again.
I sleep for a few more hours until around 7am when I am told that I need to go back to intake and complete everything that I did yesterday again because I surrendered a day early and didn’t meet with the right people. No problem… to intake I go. I get a few more tee shirts and extra socks, fingerprints taken, picture for my I.D. card, fill out a psychology form, take a TB test and asked a few more times why in the world I surrendered a day early. I then was given a brief overview of my “team” that I would eventually meet consisting of a counselor, unit manager and case manager. Then back to isolation. It was really nice to get out of the room, walk outside and feel the sun on my face.
As I walk back into E Unit, I notice a few books stacked by the phones and ask the officer if I can borrow one to read in my room. He says, “Yes but hurry up”… I quickly spot “American Psycho” and grab it. So far Monday has been pretty solid. I start reading and got lost in the book until about 10:30am when the officer calls “chow”. After I scarf down lunch, back to American Psycho until a new adventure is presented to me… shower time. The officer opens my door and asks me if I would like to take a shower. Many thoughts run through my head, starting with “Yes, I definitely would but where is the shower? What’s the process? Do I bring my clothes with me? Do I undress in the room and walk to where ever it is or wear my clothes and undress there?”… the only thing that actually comes out of my mouth is, “Yes ma’am”.
I decide to stay fully clothed. Grab my bar soap, Maximum Security shampoo, towel and slowly head into the unknown. I walk down the hallway toward the front door, simply hoping I stumble upon the shower/s at some point and thankfully they were just across the hall from the phones and the pile of books that I walked past earlier. And even better was that each shower had it’s own door and private stall… very similar to the shower setup in gyms. I get in and hang my stuff on the hooks outside of the door and turn the knob. Nothing. Turn it the other way. Nothing. Hmm… well, now I am butt naked and can’t figure out how to turn the water on. There’s no way I am going to ask the guard to help me so let’s figure this out. After about 3 minutes of pushing, pulling and twisting the knob, I finally find the sweet spot and the water turns on… solid water flow and hot. Pure bliss.
I get dressed and head back to my room to be met with a dark cloud of stress, anxiety and sadness. Deep spiral into all the scenarios that could take place with my boys while I am away. Pacing 4 steps this way… turn… 4 steps back. Thankfully due to my severe caffeine withdrawal, I am extremely tired so I just have to make it to 9pm count and then I am confident that I will be able to fall asleep and the anxiety will quiet down for the night. Count comes and the guard appears at the 2 by 2 square window in my door. I have a splitting, pulsating headache due to the lack of caffeine so I ask her if there is any way that I could have Advil, Tylenol or anything to help. She legit starts laughing hysterically, asks me to repeat the question to make sure that she heard it correctly, says “no” and begins count.
Day 2 (or 1… we shall see) in the books.