Tuesday 03.15.2022
“CHOW CHOW CHOW!!” I open my eyes to see the moon fully shining through my window. Slowly get out of bed and walk into the hallway to get my tray and take it back into the room for breakfast. I asked for a spork yesterday (and got one… huge win) so no more tooth brush cereal eating. Eat everything in about 90 seconds, brush my teeth and wait for the officer to tell me to return my tray so that I can get a bit more sleep. I use my covid mask as an eye mask and lay back down until just after sunrise. I wake up feeling pretty good so I decide to get a little workout in. Push ups, high knees, jumping jacks, planks… just enough to feel it but not enough to break a big sweat because not sure when my next shower will be.
And then… a Terminal Island miracle happens just after lunch. By position of the sun via my ironclad palm tree analysis, it had to be around 1pm, a package of books that I sent myself the Friday before I surrendered as well as two books from my Aunt Carrie arrive (if you are planning to self surrender, I STRONGLY suggest you send yourself a few books before going in). It was as if the officer told me that I was free to go. I don’t think I have experienced that level of joy in years. I begin to comb through the 5 books, every word on the front and back cover, the reviews on the first few pages, every little detail as if the they are rare, historical artifacts that I discovered for the first time. I decide to begin with Elevation by Stephen King (more in the bookmark section). This may not have been a great choice as it deals with grief, loss and life. It is a truly uplifting story (or at least it is supposed to be) but given my physical circumstances, the 2 days it’s been that feels like 2,000 years since I have talked to my boys and my overall fragile mental state… no bueno.
And here comes the all out mental tailspin into all my worries in life that lasts about an hour or so… can’t be sure because the sun was still between the palm trees. Then, unbeknownst to me, my Aunt had my life boat sent to me and it was sitting inside of my locker. An incredible defense against the mental war that I am waging against myself in the form of a book titled, “Full Catastrophe Living” Using the Wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain and illness by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Bless you Jon… you mindful bastard. And bless you Carrie… you thoughtful Aunt of mine.
The rest of the day/evening was spent deep in Jon’s book and I went to sleep with the beginning of a new outlook on my situation (at least in this moment… which is all that matters… Right Jon?)
Day 3 (or 2) in the books.
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I figured that I would include the rest of my quarantine experience in this blog because the rest the days were very similar. I spent Wednesday (03/16/2022) – Monday (03/21/2022) in my quarantine room. The days all felt the same during this time that I started to call the “simple state”. During the time my mind adapted to the isolation, the slow pace, the lack of stimulus… it’s pretty remarkable how powerful and malleable our minds can be. I found “comfort” in the silence and internal dialogue and I ferociously read without outside or mental distractions. During these days, I read American Psycho, Elevation by Stephen King, Will by Will Smith (pre-slap), Jackpot by Stuart Woods, Misery by Stephen King and half way through Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell… more on all of these in the bookmarked section.
Then Monday, March 21, 2022, at around 9am, I hear “Horwitz. Roll it up. You’re Moving.” And the next phase begins…