They can knock you down but they can’t keep you down! This week has been a lesson in understanding… internalizing and believing that there is always light at the end of the tunnel… as long as we keep walking. After an extremely hard week… this week has allowed me to see that light and walk into it.
There are only a few things that really impact life inside these walls in a massive way and for me… the number one factor is my ability to connect and communicate with my boys. I cherish any amount of time that we are able to talk to each other… especially when I can get those little rascals to actually talk and share with me. I have been able to do that this week… with the help of the one and only Super Grandma and I am and will forever be so unbelievably grateful for the unbreakable thread that she provides alongside the joy that she brings to the boys when she is with them. Hearing their voices… listening to them laugh as we tell each other knock knock jokes… picturing their adventures as they describe the details of their days with me… Man – I have to hold on to these moments to get me through the next dip in the roller coaster because these are the moments that will propel me through this journey and land me back with them in real life on the other side.
I had an interesting conversation with a guy that I met in here last year that went home last August… but now he is back. Unfortunately… this is a fairly common occurrence in here. Guys will leave and then be out “on paper” (aka probation)… violate their probation and get sent right back to prison for a short amount of time until they get out and try again. He was telling me how he had this overwhelming sense of negativity when he was out there that he can’t seem to shake. He felt that everything and everyone was against him… he couldn’t find a job… he couldn’t connect with girls to go on dates… he wasn’t motivated to work out… on and on with the negativity and he kept beating himself up even more for feeling this way when he was “finally free”. And because of this negative emotional state that he found himself in… he fell back into his old ways and landed himself in here again… causing even more negativity and spiraling downward farther as the days go on. We talked about the fact that we are the only ones that can control our internal peace and by allowing all these outside circumstances to dictate how we feel and in turn how we live… we are opening ourselves up to negative outcomes. I talked to him about my journey thus far… some of the ups and downs and by focusing on the fact that tomorrow is another day and with the “this too shall pass” attitude… we can tackle almost any situation. I spoke about how bleak and sh*tty I felt last week but how I allowed myself to feel it… learn from the mistakes that I made during it and move forward toward what turned out to be a great week this week (must embrace these small victories). He has come out to the weight pile and worked out with me a couple times this week since our talk and it seems that he is turning a corner… once again – the power of the mind… the light at the end of the tunnel and the importance of a support system to provide some perspective at times.
I will close by reiterating my gratitude for a big piece of my support system… my mom… my boy’s Super Grandma… and all the Moms, Dads, Super Grandma and Super Grandpa’s out there that support guys like me in here. We could not do it without you… we could not have the positive attitudes and the hope for the future without you… We are able to breathe easier when you are with our sons and daughters because we cannot be… we love you… we cherish you… we appreciate you beyond belief.
Thank You Mom.
Who knew that superheroes had narwhal tattoos?? 🙂
Stay Healthy. Stay Active. Tell them you love them and appreciate them every chance you get.