This week is dedicated to an incredible book that I was sent called “When Breath Becomes Air” by Paul Kalanithi. Man – what an amazing journey of life lessons through a heartbreaking but uplifting and immensely insightful true story about Paul’s life. I highly recommend that you guys check it out… just emotionally prepare yourself before hand for a roller coaster.
When thinking about what I wanted to write and how I wanted to structure the “lessons” that I could share… I landed on taking excerpts from the book itself and then briefly discussing my take away from that quote afterward. Although I believe that even these small sections of the book can be impactful… do yourself a favor and read the whole thing… I think this is one of those books that anyone… anywhere can get something out of and take whatever that “something” is with them for years to come….
“Life wasn’t about avoiding suffering. Darwin and Nietzsche agreed on one thing: the defining characteristic of the organism is striving.” — I believe this is incredibly insightful and true in life. I find it especially true in the circumstance that I find myself in… both physically and emotionally. I see guys in here every single day… genuinely suffering… refusing to get out of their own way and constantly telling everyone around them how horrible their life is while refusing to take responsibility for any of it… refusing to move forward. Unfortunately… I am sure you all know people outside these walls that go through life the exact same way. This is a miserable state to inhabit. Life is hard… we have covered this many times… but it is our mental state that can propel us through the difficult times and circumstances toward a state of hope and purpose… working toward a goal… seeing light at the end of the tunnel… striving. Once we DECIDE to get out of our own way and accept our circumstances… take responsibility for whatever is happening in our lives that we do not enjoy and strive to change it for the better… this is when we actually start living. This is when we begin to feel the sunshine hitting our face after the storm as opposed to focusing on the fact that it may rain again tomorrow.
“There is tension between justice and mercy. The main message, I believe, is that mercy trumps justice every time” — This hits home for me in obvious ways due to my current situation. But I am also conflicted by the message because I do not know if I completely agree with it as a blanket statement. I do believe that mercy needs to be present in all decisions (especially when we find ourselves making decisions that impact others lives forever) but there are instances when justice must be served and mercy takes a back seat (still be in “the car” but in the backseat). When we are thinking about the criminal justice system… I wonder about the overall notion of “justice” and if victims of crimes ever actual do feel a sense of justice by locking someone in prison or if there could be other ways to truly provide justice for wrong-doings that would better impact society as a whole. No answers here but a very interesting topic to think about…
“In the end, it cannot be doubted that each of us can see only a part of the picture. The doctor sees one, the patient another, the engineer a third, the economist a fourth, the pearl diver a fifth, the alcoholic a sixth, the cable guy a seventh, the sheep farmer an eight, an Indian beggar a ninth, the pastor a tenth. Human knowledge is never contained in one person. It grows from the relationships we create between each other and the world… and still is never complete.” — I find this so true. Similar to my last blog post about opening up our “tribe” to other ideas, people and ideologies… I believe that this is the only way for growth. By understanding that is impossible for us to know everything and that our way is “the” way… by allowing ourselves to hear others and learn from their perspectives… this is how we grow… this is how we strive forward toward a better self.
“I will share your joy and sorrow… till we’ve seen this journey through. He knew he would never be alone, never suffer unnecessarily. At home in bed a few weeks before he died, I asked him, “Can you breathe okay with my head on your chest like this?” His answer “It’s the only way I know how to breathe.” — Man… not much more here besides I will forever strive for this type of mutual relationship… for this type of love… for this type of partnership in life. To be there… wholly for another and for another to wholly be there for me…
“Although these last few years have ben wrenching and difficult… sometimes almost impossible… they have also been the most beautiful and profound of my life, requiring the daily act of holding life and death, joy and pain in balance and exploring new depths of gratitude and love.” — I also feel a kindred to this statement in a weird way… although this past year has been and is (on a daily basis) absolutely heartbreaking to be away from my boys… I am growing every single day… I am becoming a better version of myself (for them, my loved ones and me) every single day. And for that – I am forever grateful.
“Paul faced each stage of his illness with grace… not with bravado or a misguided faith that he would “overcome” or “beat” cancer but with an authenticity that allowed him to grieve the loss of the future he had planned and forge a new one.” — My mom speaks of grace often and I have learned so much from what she taught me about living gracefully by watching her live gracefully. I think this lesson rings true in all of our lives when facing something difficult. By accepting the reality of what lies ahead but not accepting defeat in the face of hardship is what I view as the key component here. We are all going to go through hard times and loss in our life but we have the ability to decide how we react and live through the pain as opposed to running from it or allowing it to consume us.
“The earth is quickly turned over by worms, the processes of nature marching on, reminding me of what Paul saw and what I now carry deep in my bones, too: the extricability of life and death, and the ability to cope, to find meaning despite this, because of this. What happened to Paul was tragic, but he was not a tragedy.” — Let me repeat that…. what happened was tragic but it was not a tragedy. We have to find the distinction between the two in the hard times throughout our lives. There are lessons to be learned in all hardships… and if we accept these lessons and actually learn… coming out the other side a more complete version of ourselves… there was no tragedy in the tragic event.
“You can’t ever reach perfection, but you can believe in an asymptote toward which you are ceaselessly striving.” — I believe the pursuit of “perfection” is a fools mission. But that being said… the pursuit of something that may seem impossible to others but that you believe to be within your reach… that is something worth striving toward.
There are countless other excerpts from the book that I could add to this list but hopefully you will read the whole book and find the ones that speak to you.
Stay Healthy. Stay Active. Keep Striving. And Always Try to Make Someone Smile 🙂