Small victories. I have touched on this notion numerous times while I have lived behind these walls and these past couple weeks have provided some serious case study for the joy that these small victories can bring to my life. It has also highlighted the importance for myself or anyone coming into these circumstances to remember that we must focus on “small” and manageable wins as it relates to our connections with loved ones and finding peace behind the gates. These small wins add up to successful journeys in which we have genuine connections on the other side of this thing… but lets get to the victory at hand…
So… I wrote a couple weeks ago about sending my oldest son one of the candies that I buy in here for his birthday so that we could share them together on one of our calls… finding some way to connect with him past just a call and a birthday card. Multiple weeks had gone by and he had not received his birthday card with the candy in it… and if I am being honest… I chalked it up as a loss and stopped pestering him and his mom about if he had received “his surprise” in the mail. But then! I called him last week and the phone answered after only one ring… this is always a good sign… and I hear “Daddy! I got the candy today!!”. The excitement in his voice made my heart melt. “You did buddy??! I am so happy!” I tell him. I wrote a note on a small sticky note and attached it to the candy telling him that “this is my favorite candy that I buy from commissary in here and when he gets it… let me know and I will eat the same flavor… at the same time with him so that we can be doing the same exact thing together.” He could not contain himself and says… “Okay Daddy. Get your orange and unwrap it… lets eat it together right now!” I always have a couple of them in my pocket… same as I did gum in real life… and grab an orange in preparation for our shared experience. “Okay… ready Daddy??… 1… 2… 3…. Pop it in… pop it in!” I follow his direction and we spend the next few minutes being food critics analyzing and describing the taste and mouth feel of this little round treat with each other. We were together… we were connected… we both felt it and it was the first time in over a year and a half that I felt in unison with my boy… it was magical. I immediately thought about my youngest and how I wished that I had included another candy for him so that we could all be experiencing this together… so this sparked an idea…
I said.. “Hey buddy. What if I were to buy a couple bags of these candies next time I shop and send them to you and your brother. Then if Mommy says it is okay… each time that we talk on the phone… you guys can pick a different color and we can share our little treat together a couple times a week. That a good idea?” “Okay… okay… yes. Let me ask Mommy.” The phone goes silent… waiting… waiting… hear a bit of ruffling so I know the phone did not disconnect… waiting…. “Daddy! Guess what???” “What bud?” “I have WONDERFUL news (I mean… come on… wonderful news… god I love this kid)… Mommy said Yes and we can do it!!” So… I tell him that is fantastic and I will send the candy as soon as possible for him and his brother to share on our calls.
I get the candy from a homeboy in the unit so that I can get it in the mail that night. Fast forward a week… I call the boys (who happen to be with their Super Grandma this week) and the first thing I hear is… “Daddy! We got the candy! Lets do Red!”
And… Success.
Small victories. Connecting. Finding creative ways to keep relationships moving forward without the luxury of creating new experiences together. This is what it is all about for parents behind these walls. If you are currently in my position or will be in this position in the near future… start brainstorming of ways in which you can use the resources that we have available to us in here to connect with your loved ones out there. As with many aspects of this life… it is not easy but anything for “them”… is well worth it.
Stay active. Stay Healthy. Wishing you all WONDERFUL news this week 🙂