See and Be Seen

Life is hard. It throws you curveballs when you didn’t even know you were at bat and it takes an extremely strong willed and strong minded person to “successfully” see the pitch heading their way at the last minute and swing the bat. I have noticed over the last couple months in here that a lot of guys have been mentally struggling… I don’t know if it was the holidays or just something in the air but I wanted to find a way to make a positive impact (or as much of a positive impact as I could) so I reached out to psychology and found out that there is a program that trains “mental health companions” to assist guys that are struggling. I immediately jumped at the opportunity and finished my training 2 weeks ago and now am officially a “companion”.

One of the duties is to attend the psychology open house every Wednesday to answer questions regarding First Step Credits and other common “non mental health” issues that guys are dealing with but also be there as a conduit between the inmates and the staff because a lot of these guys do not feel comfortable speaking directly with the “cops”. I was sitting outside of psychology at our little table and a guy that I recognized by face but not name approached the table and asked me if I would step aside and speak to him in private. Of course I did and as soon as we were away from the table… I could see the tears welling up in his eyes… he is in his mid-50s and the pain that I could see on his face was clear as day. He began to tell me that he recently got out of the “SHU” and that he is really struggling… he needs to talk someone… he has sent so many “kites” (prison lingo for written letters) to psychology but has not heard anything back and still has not been able to speak to anyone. I told him that I would speak to the psychology intern that I work with immediately and try to get someone to see him as soon as possible. He thanked me profusely and reiterated that he “really really needed to speak to someone”. I passed the message along to the intern and she stated that she would see if he had sent the head psychologist any messages and go from there. I made sure to ask him what unit he lives in so that I could go check on him whenever possible and told him to come to the yard anytime and get me if he needs to talk or just wants to walk the track with someone. I could tell that he thought I was just blowing him off (just as he felt psychology had been doing) so I made sure that I went to his unit every day after lunch and made a point to simply check in… give him a wave and asking if he needs anything. This went on for the past week or so and he got into see the psychologist at the end of the week. I received a “kite” from him early this morning…. passed to me from another guy that lives in his unit. The kite said… “Zach. Thank you. I have been alone for a long time. Being in the SHU put me in a very bad place and you have made me feel not as alone.”

Sometimes all it takes is for us to take a few minutes out of our day… take ourselves out of our own problems and check in on people around us. I am so happy that this guy seems to be heading in the right direction and I hope he feels seen and continues to feel like he is not alone because he certainly is not.

Obviously… this notion of feeling alone is not just a prison problem… I read an article in People magazine the other day about Twitch… I had heard the news of his passing prior to this but reading about him and his family… his kids… his wife…his career… everything looks so “perfect” from the outside but clearly… you never really know. Mental health awareness is so crucially important… I see how necessary it is in this environment every single day but it might be even more pressing outside these walls. The pressures of our daily lives mixed with the skewed images of reality portrayed on social media and elsewhere make navigating life… especially for young people… extremely difficult.

Check in on the people around you… see how they are doing… make sure they feel seen and heard… even if it is as small as sending a text or giving someone a call… the smallest gesture could make a massive difference in someone’s life. And know that no matter how bleak the day may feel… how hard the situation may be… how impossible the road ahead may look… take a breathe and know that the sun will rise again tomorrow and every day that we have on this earth is another day to try it all over again.

Stay Healthy. Stay Active. Go make somebody smile.