This week started out especially rough with yet another mind-numbingly horrific elementary school shooting in Nashville, TN. I just cannot wrap my head around the insanity of these shootings. The astronomical amount of them… the age of the victims… the horrible nightmares I have (and I am sure many others have) about it touching our lives… the sadness for the families… it really impacts me. And what is the answer?? Mental Health… gun reform… armed security at schools… I just don’t know and it seems no one knows past the talking heads finding ways to spin the tragedies toward a political agenda… it is all just sickening.
As I was stewing on all of this throughout the week… one of the psychology interns that I work with must have felt my mental anguish because this week’s discussion at work revolved around resilience. In a nutshell… resilience is the psychological quality that allows some people to be knocked down by the adversities of life and come back at least as strong as before. Rather than letting the difficulties of life, traumatic events, or failure overcome them and drain their resolve… highly resilient people find a way to change course… emotionally heal… and continue moving forward in their lives.
We started discussing what creates resilience… how are some people able to pull themselves up by the bootstraps in difficult times and others fall apart without being able to see the light at the end of their tunnel. Throughout history… psychologists have identified some of the factors that appear to make a person more resilient… such as positive attitude… optimism… the ability to regulate their emotions… and the ability to see failure as a form of helpful feedback. Now… I know some of these seem like cookie cutter… granola… bullsh*t qualities that appear unrealistic when faced with something as horrible as losing a child but studies show that the mind can do some incredible things. Optimism… for example… has been shown to help blunt the impact of stress on the mind and body in the wake a traumatic event. Think about that… simple optimism… essentially making yourself think positively can actually have a real impact on your overall recovery to the event.
Building resilience in the face of tragedy is something that I think is important for us all to work on… even in joyous times in our lives. Reality is… getting through pain and disappointment without letting them become overwhelming isn’t necessarily easy for anyone. But there is research that shows that simple healthy habits can significantly push us in the right direction toward becoming more resilient people. Getting enough sleep… eating well… exercising… all of these things can reduce stress and in turn… boost resilience. Similarly… being sure to nurture relationships with our loves ones can help us find support when trouble inevitably arises… making us feel less alone… providing us a “sunnier” outlook on our situation.
While none of this… or a billion talks with the psychology interns could ever come close to making me (or I assume anyone) genuinely feel better about what happened this week… and continues to happen in our country… it did provide a thoughtful discussion geared toward learning the tools necessary to cope with all life throws at us. I hope none of you ever have to experience the type of pain that 6 families had to experience this past week… as I wrote the last time that this happened mere months ago… we must do better… for our children… for ourselves and for our society. We simply must.
Stay Active. Stay Healthy. Stay Resilient.