Alright… it has been 9 days and a wake up since I moved into A Unit and started the next phase of this marathon. And I am surprisingly pleased to report that the experience thus far has been overwhelmingly positive. In some ways… shockingly so. The simple fact that I now live on the North Yard… as opposed to the South Yard… has made such a massive impact on my days… it really has blown me away. It is as if I am at a completely different prison. Living on the South Yard… which I have done from the very beginning of this journey… you have the pleasure of walking out of the unit to “the yard” aka a big park on the water. You step outside and you can find yourself on a bench in the morning… dew still dripping down the blades of grass… the ocean waking up beyond the gate and early risers working out… walking… stretching and getting the first sweat of the day. Take the gate away from your sight line and you are at a beautiful ocean front park on the coast line. This ability to transport yourself out of here coupled with the room-style living in the unit is where the “property value” shows itself in regard to south yard livin. You would think… this is the place to be…
But… North Yard livin’… although extremely different… has proven itself to be equally (if not more) enjoyable. There is something interesting that happens when you live in a dorm style unit as opposed to the rooms. Logic would point to your ability to get some privacy and “me time” living on the South Yard because of the fact that you can duck off into your room…close the door and relax. But… I have not found that this is necessarily the case. When I lived ‘down south’… I found that I would have to strategically go into my room at certain times (when certain people were not around) because if I ventured in there at the wrong time… BAM… I now have a house guest. And that house guest inevitably finds himself a seat… sometimes on the edge of my bed with his dirty shorts and tee shirt resting on my clean white sheet… which really gets my prison acquired ‘OCD’ riled up. And then decides to talk and talk and talk until some external force makes it necessary for him to leave. In my new “house”… I think because of the fact that everyone is basically in the same room and you are never alone… the flow of traffic is much more steady. Guys still stop by to talk but casually… sporadically… and there is always someone else around to interrupt said conversation (Thank You Sir) and allow for a quick escape. I know I sound anti-social but there is a time and a place for ‘chit chat’ in an environment like this. On the yard… lets talk. Walking to or from the computers or work or the weight pile… lets talk. When I finally get back to ‘the house’ and just got out of the shower… sat down on the edge of my bed to get dressed and now you want to have a full blown conversation about your issues with the chow hall… maybe not the time to talk. Okay… negativity has left the body. Interesting how you don’t realize how much something is bothering you… in my case for years… until it is no longer a part of your life and you are able to take that deep breath and acknowledge that you’ve been carrying a load that you no longer are carrying. Extremely pleasant feeling. I remember reading something once that stated in some capacity that…”it is easy to declare that other people are idiots, but only if you forget how idiotically difficult being a human being is. Especially if you have other people you’re trying to be a reasonably good human being for”. I do not like the use of the word ‘idiot’ but I have to remember this at times when I get frustrated with the guys in here… we are all just trying to get through the day and you never know what someone else may be going through… so lead with grace. That all being said, the recently found ‘serenity’ of the dorm life has been wonderful.
On top of that… the physical location of my new unit has added a layer of ‘ease’ to my logistical journey every day that has also proven to make me smile. I get called into work unexpected… no sweat… I’m a couple hundred yards away. Time for my visit… no more sweating through my ‘visiting clothes’ as I make the quarter mile walk… huge win. Want to check the computer real quick… shoot out there during the 10 minute move and not deal with the whole compound doing the same thing because the computers are ‘on the yard’ down South… winning.
But most of all… living in the “RDAP Unit” simply feels like I am making progress. There is this almost tangible quality to living in the unit that houses the people who are working toward freedom. The ones that are spending 3-5 hours per day “programming” in order to complete a program that is going to better them as human beings and provide them the tools to be more productive members of society. The guys on the compound that you hear say things like… “I’m struggling with responsibility today”… language you only learn and use when you are deep in “DAP Mode”. Living in this unit… living with these guys… immersed in a “better yourself” environment… it just feels good to my soul. It makes me feel like I am on the right path. That I am actively… consciously… and positively working through this prison sentence in a way that is actually getting me closer to walking out that door and reuniting with my boys and my tribe. And that… to me… is really the only thing that matters.
A prime example of the perks of my new neighborhood happened last weekend at about 7pm on Sunday night. I’m sitting at my bunk… staring out the window at my new breathtaking view over the water when I feel a presence walk up next to me. A guy introduces himself… I had never met him before… honestly don’t even think I had ever seen him before (which is extremely rare these days). “Hey Zach. I’m Trent (not his real name). I know your story… as much as any guy who has never actually talked to you in here knows your story… so I figured you might enjoy a little brain food” he says. Initially… I don’t quite know how to take his opening line but I give him the benefit of the doubt. “What’s up brotha. Don’t believe everything you hear or see but I am always in search of some brain food. What you got?” I reply. “There is an NPR station that we get on the radio. Closest thing to a podcast that we have in here. Anyway… 9pm every Sunday is a TED Talk series. Usually fairly interesting. Thought you may want to check it out.” he says. “Ohh man…. that is incredible. Thank you!” I genuinely reply. He walks away and I smile to myself… initially because of the “don’t judge a book…” thing that I did before I even let him speak… then because I have been absolutely craving some sort of podcast for the last 3.5 years. I feverishly consumed them prior to moving behind these walls and have nothing that even resembles a TED talk in my life since then… so this… is amazing news.
I made myself a tea at about 8:50pm and positioned my chair to look out over the shipping yard and the ocean. I put my headphones in… turned to the channel… and flew out of this place for the next hour. It was sublime.
Lesson… embrace the changes that come our way in life. At face value… they are scary because they are new and uncomfortable and make us feel out of control but there are gifts hidden just around that unfamiliar corner. You just gotta go walk down the path. We get so comfortable in our daily lives and routines… abiding by the “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” mentality but just because it isn’t broken… doesn’t mean it can’t get better. Take that opportunity… go on that date… buy that house… apply for that job… write that book… go on that trip… learn how to play… sing… dance… run… scream… LIVE. Worst case scenario…. if it doesn’t work… there’s always knowledge in the experience.
Stay Healthy. Stay Active. Stay Livin’.