I received a real gift in the mail this past week. Let me preface this by genuinely stating that any pictures that I am lucky enough to get in here are massive gifts in themselves as they allow me to escape my reality for a bit while I examine every detail of every picture… vicariously living through my loved ones out there. But as I was looking through this set of pictures… I came across a picture of a painting that stopped me immediately. I am a sucker for art… even more so now than prior to my incarceration as there is something magical about the possibilities of each piece… and this particular piece was extremely cool. It is a painting of a character… think a mixture between a grey teddy bear and a robot with skin made of patched fabric. This character is grasping a red heart in his left arm… one of his eyes is an X but not in a lifeless way… there is interestingly life within the “nothing-ness” of the X and his other eye could either be a simple clock or a gage of sorts. And in his right hand…he holds a yellow glowing lightbulb. And on the bottom of the painting… in small script… it reads… “Never dark when you hold onto hope”.
Hope. It is such an unbelievably powerful force.
I started thinking about how impactful hope is in our lives. And through this thought process… I came to the realization that it is the undervalued driving force behind the engine that propels and orients our moods… our emotions… our outlook… our decisions… it is extremely powerful and equally important. I immediately was flooded with all the hopes that I hold so dear and think about on a daily basis. Endless ‘hopes’ really…
I hope the boys never have a feeling of abandonment due to my physical absence. I hope that I don’t experience so much darkness throughout these years that I lose my ability to enjoy the light on the other side. I hope that my loved ones remain healthy. I hope that she answers the phone. I hope that I can one day prove my worth to the people closest to me and this worth outweighs my sins. I hope I never lie again. I hope I am released back to my boys while they are still boys. I hope I learn to love myself. I hope my nieces understand that their Uncle made many bad decisions but he has so much good within him to share with them. I hope I never forget the pain of being stripped of everything and everyone so neither is ever again taken for granted. I hope the ones that I have hurt are able to see the good in people again. I hope I can earn the respect of the people that I respect. I hope my boys feel how much I love them. I hope… I hope… I hope… I hope… I could go on seemingly forever.
These ‘lightbulbs’ of hope. These wishes that we all have for ourselves and others that lead us through our days and provide direction for where we want to go in this life… that is hope. And without it… life truly does go dark. Without hope… we lose our ability to look forward to anything because we have no desire to get up and tackle the day in front of us. Because without hope… what is there to strive toward? Hope has inspired us as a country back in 2008. It has pushed us through long nights of studying to pass that test that would provide that score that would hopefully get us into that college. Hope has driven us to ask that girl out that you just can’t stop thinking about because maybe… just maybe she’s the one. Hope has got us through chemo sessions. Hope has given us our greatest athletes and doctors and teachers and chemists and engineers because they all are holding their own lightbulb that illuminates their individual desires. Hope has done all of this… hope… is pretty damn incredible.
Thank you for sending me this beautiful painting of hope. It renewed a hopeful fire within me. I hope you all find something out there that reignites your fire and guides you forward.
Stay Healthy. Stay Active. Stay Hopeful.