I met a guy named Michael on Tuesday night that I haven’t been able to get off my mind since that day. He came to our AA meeting as an “outside guest” (still blown away by these people so generously giving us their time) and his story, outlook and energy profoundly touched me.
Michael is 75 years old. He is a Vietnam veteran, an ex-drug addict/dealer/user, previously incarcerated man, a chiropractor with his own practice that is now run by one of his daughters, a father of 4 (3 daughters and 1 son), a grandfather, a husband and he has been diagnosed with late stage Leukemia… given 5 years to live… at best. He goes to chemotherapy 7 days a week… he actually left a session just hours before coming to be with us. He has a smile and presence that lights up the entire room and an outlook on life that I think we can all learn from.
He spoke to us about his diagnosis and how it drastically changed his perception on the way that he was living his life and more specifically… the way that he now is actually LIVING his life. He emphasized the notion of living and genuinely experiencing the moments as opposed to blindly going through the motions of our days… never taking the time to consciously decide if what we are doing is actually what we want to be doing as opposed to what we think we “should” be doing. He discussed his decision making process and how he consciously makes sure that every single thing he is doing is adding real value to his life or to the lives of the ones around him… he refuses to waste a second. He went on to tell us how much joy he has found once he started actually appreciating life as it is and not continually looking ahead at what it could be one day. His interactions with his family are rich and fulfilling… his service to others (such as being with us) brings him a sense of a “day well spent” which in turns brings happiness. He is a more joyous, more fulfilled person as a cancer patient than he was before he was diagnosed. Let that sink in a bit…
Why do we wait to embrace the beauty of life until a doctor or an event forces us to see the end of it? Why is it so hard for us to appreciate the ones around us, the small pleasures, the time with friends and family, the daily treasures that we completely take for granted until they are either taken away or will be relatively soon? Why are we so concerned with what will be or what could be as opposed to what actually is? Why do we work so hard to create a life for ourselves that we supposedly always wanted and then rush through every second of it because we are “so busy” to get to the next thing?
I am determined to not let this be the case in my life (even.. and especially… while I am incarcerated). I want to be present in every moment… every conversation… every phone call with my boys… my family… my friends. I want to be alive. I want to never forget that tomorrow is not promised and that I must embrace and appreciate today for the gift that today is… nothing more… nothing less. I guarantee that if I (and we) can do this… we will find that our days are exponentially more fulfilling.
Michael said something that I cannot get out of my head. Maybe it was the actual words… maybe it was the way he said it but it was so honest… so purely authentically felt. He said that his only wish is for it not to hurt at the end. “I just hope it isn’t painful at the end. I don’t want to die in pain.” I so desperately hope the same for him. I hope that I get to see him again as he continues to fight his fight. But more importantly… I hope that I never forget to live by the example Michael has set. Live fully and completely… in every moment…
We should all take a beat from the rat race to stop and appreciate the life we have… even just for a couple moments a day. I have a feeling we won’t regret it.