As we are festively celebrating Christmas weekend… I really just want to wish everyone out there Happy Holidays and hope that you are enjoying and cherishing every single second of it with family… friends and loved ones. We are doing all we can in here to make the most of the holiday as well. In true T.I. fashion… the coveted “holiday bags” were passed out this past week which caused an absolute craze among the guys. Trading and bartering for this item or that… sitting on the floor in their room and going through their bags like children post trick or treat on Halloween. As surreal as it is to watch it all unfold… I have to smile because it brings genuine joy to an otherwise tough time in here.
I do want to share one conversation that I had with one of the guys that I work with this past week. We were cleaning up after the craziness of ‘Burger Wednesday’ and we started talking about… surprise surprise… how much time each of us have left and what we plan to do once we get back into the real world. He has “been down” (prison lingo for how long someone has been incarcerated) for just over 5 years and has a few years to go on a 10 year sentence. Due to the fact that he is not a citizen of the United States and was here “illegally”… he does not qualify for the first step act or any incentive that can reduce his time so he must complete 85% of his sentence. As we discussed this reality… he said something that stopped me in my tracks. I was basically apologizing to him for the fact that he has to complete most of his time without any time off even though he is constantly programming and doing everything that he is supposed to be doing in order to lower his recidivism… and he said to me… “Man… don’t trip Hollywood. If I had a choice… I would stay in prison until I was an old man (he is my age). What am I going to do in Mexico? I’m scared to death to get out. I got nothing and no one man.” After digesting this for a second… I asked him… “What do you mean? You really would want to stay here for the rest of your life as opposed to getting out and trying to figure something out in the real world out there?” “The real world? Man… I have nobody… I have no money… I’m getting deported to a place that I have never lived and have no idea where I am going to go or what I am going to do. I’m diabetic… I need insulin. In here… I get my insulin… I have a place to sleep… I have a good job… I can work out… I can watch TV… I can cook myself food. So yeah… I want to stay.” This broke my heart. Not in a way that I feel sorry for him because he doesn’t need that or want that but because I just can’t imagine how hard that journey has to be for him… and for others in here (and out there) with similar stories. The notion of actually wanting to stay in this environment for the entirety of one’s life is outside my comprehension. But in the same breathe… this reality is his truth and for that I cannot help but first and foremost… wish that wasn’t the case for him… but also it floors me with gratitude for my life. For the people in my life… for the support system that I have right now while I am in here and will have once I am back in the real world on the other side of this journey. This type of support is not a given… especially when you make such horrible decisions in life that you find yourself in my position and you put your support system in this position with you and the fact that I have family and friends that stuck by and continue to stick by me… I am just overwhelmingly grateful.
I am taking his story with me as I head into Christmas and the New Year and holding onto the fact that there are others out there (and in here) that don’t have loved ones to call… don’t have family and friends to email… and no matter where I physically am while “celebrating” the holiday this year… I do have loved ones in my life and at the end of the day… that is a the ultimate gift.
Cherish the ones that we have in our lives. Hold onto every single moment with them. Watch the cheesy movies. Eat everything in sight. Sing the Christmas songs in the kitchen. Dance. Laugh. Be in the moment. And never take it for granted because there are many out there that would do absolutely anything to have even a portion of what many of us have right in front of us.
Stay Healthy. Stay Active.
Happy Holidays from all of us Khaki Suit wearing guys in here that are so grateful for our tribes out there.