Communication. I planned on writing about how important communication with the outside world is for guys in here this week but fittingly… given my living situation… our computer access has been completely denied for most of the week. And even now… as I kneel down to write this (Sunday Morning)… I am limited to 5 minutes sessions. I cannot blame this on anyone but my fellow khaki suits as some of the more (mm-hmm) “intelligent” guys in here have decided that they need the wiring (for reasons we will not discuss) that lives inside the cables that connect our keyboards… mouse… and MP3 player/tablet plug ins. So what do they do? Instead of thinking about the community and how ALL of us use these devices to communicate with our families… they cut the cords to the mouse of the computers… take the cable and leave the entire computer useless to the rest of us. And because the staff has grown tired of hearing the “rest of us” complain about our inability to use the damaged systems… they closed the entire computer rooms in order to “punish” us for the few selfish fools that have been cutting the wires. But lets focus on something more positive since we don’t have much time…
This past week has been fantastic in the fact that I have been able to talk to my boys throughout the week because Grandma has been with them to provide a fun-filled jump start to their summer vacation. Grandma time is the best time… for myself and for them (We sincerely appreciate you Grandma). I was talking to the boys one afternoon and they picked up the phone with one of my favorite opening lines… “Daddy! Guess what??” “What boys… tell me.” I replied. “A bird pooped on Grandma’s car!” my oldest said… “And she won’t even wash it off” said my youngest. I laughed at their simultaneous enjoyment of the event and disapproval of Grandma’s handling of the event and told them… “Well guys… did you know that if a bird poops on you or your car… it means that you are going to have good luck for the rest of the day?” “No way Daddy. That’s not true.” They said. I went on to plead my case and explain to them that the bird can poop anywhere their little heart desires and the fact that he or she chose you as a target over every other person or place can only mean that it is your lucky day. They thought this was pretty funny but I’m not sure they were convinced so we proceeded to discuss other matters outside of birds’ bathroom practices. Fast forward a couple days and my oldest told me once again… “Daddy! Can you believe that Grandma STILL has not cleaned the bird poop off of her car?!” I laughed and double down on the fact that it is their lucky week because the poop is still on the car and once again… they found some enjoyment out of this notion even if they still haven’t fully bought into my pitch.
The boys went back to their Mom’s on Thursday and I was sitting outside in the late afternoon drinking a little pre-sunset coffee on a bench thinking about how grateful I was to have had the opportunity to connect with them in the way that I did these past 6 days when I feel something warm on my right hand. I am holding my coffee cup in this hand so immediately… my brain tells me that I must have jerked the cup a bit and caught a splash of the steamy goodness. But then… I feel as though I am being sprayed with a super soaker across my shorts. From the right pocket… across the crouch… to the left pocket… I look down and see an absolute blasting of bird sh*t ALL over me. I am not talking about a little squirt or a small spray… I got the full load. On my hand… in my coffee cup… on the bottom of my shirt and across my entire lap. I genuinely cannot believe this just happened. I look around to see if anyone witnessed this assault… but it was just me. I sit there for a good 30 seconds and just laugh hysterically to myself at the absurdity of this crazy coincidental event. Then I realize that I can’t go inside to change until the 10 minute move which happens to be 27 minutes from that moment and the humor wears off a bit. “10 minute move. This is a 10 minute move” finally can be heard over the intercom and I head inside and proceed to throw my entire wardrobe in the trash… coffee cup included… there was just no coming back from this.
I haven’t been “targeted” by our flying friends in as long as I can remember and the fact that just days after I tell my boys how lucky they are that they were “chosen” by that bird… well… I guess it was my lucky day.
I can’t wait to tell them about it when I call tomorrow.
Stay Healthy. Stay Active. Luck is what you make it.