We have arrived at one our lovely limited computer access weekends over here. (Exasperated sigh and pause leading into a side note on this matter). I tell myself as I am approaching the computer that I am not going to tell you about my lack of computer access because it is complain-y and pointless to comment on. Especially given the fact that even though my access is limited… I am clearly still using it for some amount of time… and in this time… I am obviously exhausting a portion of this short window writing to tell you that I don’t have any time to write. So the whole thing is pretty counter intuitive and against my better judgement but here I am… going against my own instinct and advice… not only telling you but telling you how I feel about telling you so… I will end that… here.
Okay… now that that is over with… lets dive into an extremely surprising but memorable conversation I had on Friday afternoon…
It’s about 12:20pm and I am starting to clean up the OM from lunch service when ‘someone’ (cannot give any indication of whom this someone is so… lets call him… LT) walks in and as LT enters to find me cleaning up… he immediately has a disappointed look on his face. “Hollywood… you guys done already?” He asks. “I got you man… no worries.” I say as I begin to take the food back out so that he can eat. After I make him a plate… he takes a seat and I continue putting everything away as he digs in. About 8 minutes goes by… he is eating and watching the news… I am cleaning… when I hear… “Hey. Can I tell you something?” I am a bit taken aback… “Uhh ohh… where is this going?” I think to myself. But say… “Of course. What’s up LT?”. “You’re going to be okay after this. You know that right?” He says… looking directly into my eyes. “Yeah for sure… just a chapter in the book…” I reflexively reply… not allowing his genuine words to actually land. “I have worked in corrections for 31 years man. I have worked all over the country, in all security levels. I have seen it all. And I have been coming in here and talking to you for the last 3 of those years. I see you on the yard. I hear about you from staff. Just be THIS you and THAT you will fade with time” he says. I let this process… as I have never had this type of conversation with him (and never have witnessed this particular person having this type of conversation with anyone) before. But more importantly… allowing the ‘this’ / ‘that’ to land in the way that he intended it to land. After a few moments… “Thank you for saying that. I fully intend to continue to work toward finding more about ‘THIS’ guy by learning from ‘THAT’ guy. But honestly… Thank you.” I tell him. He nods and goes back to his meal without another word.
You never know who is “watching” the person that you are portraying to the world. Obviously… in here… someone is always watching but very rarely are they watching in the way that LT has been watching. There is a quote that has latched onto my mind since the day I heard it… “Make your actions so loud that no one can hear what you are saying” (shout out to the real one out there that lives this day in and day out… you know who you are). I have made a point to live this way since I have walked through these gates because we all know… I most certainly did not prior to that moment. When you are living life digging your way out of the grave that you dug for yourself… as I am… your actions are the only thing that hold weight. I must BE the human being that I want to be because that is the only way that I will earn the right for the people around me that I respect to trust the words that I say. And conversations such as the one that took place Friday afternoon… shows me I’m walking in the right direction.
And… that’s my time. So…
Stay Healthy. Stay Active. Show Em’… Don’t Tell Em’.