Here we are… another weekend of “server failure” and a mad rush to the available computers during the moves… thankfully the computers are down on the North Yard this time so it is a much shorter walk for us “south-siders”. But given the fact that I have a limited amount of time… I will focus on a condensed version of what I planned on writing about… ironically… time.
As I have stated in the past… the concept of time is ever present when you live behind these walls. There isn’t a conversation where it is not brought up in some capacity… “How much time did you get?” “How much time do you have left?” “How much half way house time are you getting?” “How much first step time have you earned?”…. time… most guys trying to speed it up… some guys trying to slow it down… all thinking about it. But I noticed something within myself this past week when talking to my “Bunkie” about the fact that he is coming up on his “18 month mark”. When a guy gets to “18 months to the door”… the general consensus in here is that he is basically done with his sentence… he made it… it’s over and as my Bunkie says… “I can do 18 months on the toilet.”
This made me think about the drastic difference between my perspective now… because I have to agree that 18 months to go feels like a very manageable amount of time… and my perspective on 18 months back in my real life. I used to laugh at my friends and family when they would talk to me about a trip that was planned for 6 months down the road… or a concert that we should go to in November when it was March… it seemed like a life time away when thinking about planning an event multiple months in advance. But now… as we are approaching the end of October… the idea of planning an event for next April feels like we may not have enough time to get it done. Joking… but my concept of time has completely changed… and that makes me wonder why. Why is it that now that my life truly revolves around a ticking clock do I essentially feel like time moves faster than it did in my real life? What makes even less sense to me is that it is groundhog’s day in here… some variation of the same thing happens over and over again… day in and day out but even with this mundane reality… time moves faster to me than it did when life was insane and my energy was focused on a million different things at once. Interesting food for thought.
I will close with this… as my time on the computer creeps toward zero… I wrote and deleted (twice) that I wish time would go even faster than it feels like it is… and although this notion may be true… I don’t want to say that. Of course I want my experience behind these walls to be over and for me to be back in real life with my boys… my family… my friends… but I refuse to rush and wish my life away… even if that life is not the life that I want to be living at the moment. Each day is still precious… each moment alive deserves gratitude and no matter where I lay my head down at night… I am grateful that I have the ability to do so. No matter what circumstance we find ourselves in… if we are breathing… if we are experiencing and living… we must find a way to appreciate those moments… I certainly am trying my best to live by this…one groundhog’s day at a time 😉
Stay Healthy. Stay Active. Find some life in each tick of that clock and LIVE it.
Hello 👋 Zach, I hope you are well. I always read your posts and I realize how much you are changing in appreciating life and valuing more I always tell my oldest son to also read them because you really inspire me and I want him to see life in a different way thank you for writing your experiences I have faith that you will soon be with your family blessings
Zach, thank you for sharing your wisdom with the world. I look forward to reading your posts and appreciate your perspective tremendously. Your mother has been sending me all your blogs and I am grateful to her for spreading your light!