Gratitude.
I have been absolutely filled with it this week. I am not 100% sure if it is just the stars aligning in a way beyond my comprehension or the fact that I was able to talk to my boys for the full 15 minutes the last 4 times that I have called (this is a massive win… massive!)… or that my niece, sister and Mom are coming to visit this weekend. I am not sure if it is the fulfillment that I get from my job in here when me and my other 2 “OM Chefs” shuffle into the kitchen before the sun rises with nothing but ingredients and some how… some way… create dishes that the Warden is proud to serve his family and friends at his house for a summer get-together this past week. Or maybe it was that I worked through my Mental Health Companion “situation” from last week and there was nothing but acceptance and understanding of my position from my boss and my fellow companions (who would have known that standing up for yourself and setting healthy boundaries doesn’t cause the world to explode… I’ll have to remember that). Or maybe it is a combination of all of these things…
I did find myself looking out over the pacific last night at sunset and just marveling at the fact that I am able to experience this view. I started thinking about the notion that the ocean is such a powerful natural being… and that it strangely mirrors our mind in many ways. There is so much beauty below the surface of what we can actually see… the coral reefs… the gorgeously colorful fish… but there is also darkness beneath the waves… endless depths that are ready to swallow anything and everything that does not appreciate and respect it’s power. I found myself thinking about the size of the waters out there and how much it actually calms me. It is seemingly big enough to get lost in forever… strong enough to hold up these incredible ships that are being loaded with thousands of containers day in and day out across the channel from where I stand. We…. I… are/am such a small pebble compared to the vastness of the ocean. I walked over to the edge of the track and looked down to the waters edge about 5 feet in front of me… the waves cascading off the rocks… as the wake continued to crash through and over the boulders and I just started to smile because the ocean just goes on… it doesn’t stop regardless of what we do… regardless of how hard we try to impose our will on it… the ocean reminds us that we are powerless in comparison. And just as in life… some things we simply must accept as fact and keep pushin’.
Looking out over the water… I found myself filled with the longing to be on the other side of that gate with my boys… with my loved ones… with the ability to have another shot at life… but also with peace and gratitude… with a profound understanding of what led me here… where I currently stand… and where I am heading. And for that… I am beyond grateful.
Thank you so much to every single one of you that continue to be on my team… you are my superheroes and I owe you everything.
Stay Healthy. Stay Active. Stay Grateful. Keep Pushin’.