Here’s another little something for the Dads out there… especially the ones that are being kept up at night stressing about how in the hell they are going to be a ’15 minute Father’ for the foreseeable future. Just a bit of insight from the inside… it’s going to be okay Dad…
I look down at my watch… 1:02pm but I know my watch is a little over 2 minutes fast so it’s really 1:00pm… meaning it is 4:00pm where they are. It’s Monday afternoon… my first “call day” for the week and I am at the beginning of the anxiety inducing game of “when exactly should I call within my window” to catch them. Screw it… lets try. After about 5 rings… I know attempt one is a swing and a miss. I hang up and game plan my second at bat. “Let’s give them 10 minutes”… I think to myself but get antsy and call again after 8 minutes. Ring… ring… ring… nothing… strike 2. This is usually the point where I begin to map out the next 2 hours in my head and pin point every time that I will be available to use the phone between now (1:15pm) and the latest time that I can call before it is too close to their bedtime (3:15pm). “Okay. One more try and then I will wait until 3pm and call again…” I tell myself.
And… the third time is a charm! “Hi Daddy!!”… I hear my oldest son say with a bunch of noise in the background. “What’s up Boys!” I say… “Where are you guys?”. “We are at Sky Zone!” my youngest tells me… which is a trampoline park that they love and I am sure their Mom loves as well as it burns off that after school energy in hopes of everyone getting some sleep that night. While I am extremely happy for them that they are having fun… I am a bit disappointed as I assume this will be a short call given the fact that trampolines trump a call with Dad almost every time. But… not this time. “Okay boys… well do you have anything you want to tell me before you go play?” I ask them. My oldest answers… “Yes Dad…. I want to talk to you and play!!” And the warm fuzzy feeling comes rolling in… “Okay Buddy. Lets do it.”
He proceeds to “take me with him” as he runs and jumps across the trampolines… leading me closer to his friends that have met them there. He is telling me how high he is jumping and what his little brother is doing… then I hear his friend… “Who are you talking to?” And with all the pride his heart could muster he replies… “I’m talking to my Dad!”. Now… I must stop here for a moment…
Coming into this journey… I had many fears as it relates to my boys and fatherhood but one of them was that my actions and decisions would negatively impact my sons’ lives as it relates to their social group and in turn… they would be ashamed and/or embarrassed to acknowledge me around other people. But in this moment… on speaker phone in front of ‘the world’… the pride in my son’s voice when he told his friend that he was talking to me absolutely filled my soul. It made me feel loved and accepted in a way that I hope I make him and his brother feel on a daily basis. It was the first time since I have been living behind these walls that I genuinely felt included in their life… a piece of it… as opposed to a 15 minute intermission…. a pause in their “real life” that would then resume once the phone hung up. But not today… today I was there… and he wanted me to be there… and he wanted to tell his friends that I was there… and it was unequivocally one of the best feelings I have experienced in the past few years.
Okay… Back to the call….
“Do you want to say Hi to my friends Daddy?” “Of course I do. Buddy!” I proceed to say Hi to his friends and then finish our call with him and his brother jumping and laughing and their Dad beaming with a full throttle genuine moment of joy.
The lesson for us Dads is that… it is possible. It’s possible to ‘plant’… to ‘grow’… to ‘nourish’ and eventually ‘blossom’ a beautiful relationship with your kids while we are on the inside. It is not ideal… that is obvious. But with persistence… by leading with love and grace and gratitude… it is certainly possible.
So Dad… chin to the sun and know that as long as you do not give up on them… you keep calling… you keep telling them that you love them… you keep asking about their days and their thoughts and their opinions and their dreams… you keep showing up… they will show up for you as well. And when you are lucky enough to experience it in whatever unique way ends up happening in your world… cherish the moment because you deserve to feel that love.
Stay Healthy. Stay Active.
I love you Boys!