I was having a conversation with one of the older guys in here this past week… he is leaving in June after serving 9+ years… and he was talking to me about things he has learned and more specifically… aspects of life in here that he wants me to either adopt or stop doing. There is no shortage of advise behind these walls… solicited or unsolicited ;). But it would be unwise to not attempt to find the nuggets of gold when speaking with guys that have “been there and done that” as it relates to this journey.
I took a couple nuggets away from our chat… one of which… I agree-ish with but not quite sure (yet) how I plan to implement it into my program and one that I certainly agree with.
Lets start with the tough one…
He was telling me that he has “known” me for over 2 years now and that he “watches me” throughout the day and that I need to change my ways as it relates to my schedule. He went on to say that I… “eat the same thing… at the same time… the same way… every single day.” That I follow the… “exact same routine to the minute… every single day. You wake up… go to work… come home… take a shower… work out… eat… read… write… rest in the same position in your room… eat again (the same thing)… go to sleep and then do it all over the next day.” He says that I “am not like the others in here” and he doesn’t want me to be comfortable being a prisoner because he knows that I am much more than that. He went on to tell me to “expand my mind… don’t get comfortable in this place… learn something new. Stop the routine and grow… mentally.”
Okay. Breathe Zach Breathe. Now… initially… I didn’t know how I felt about his outlook on my life in here. There is an aspect of survival in life behind these walls that depend on a “program”… on a routine that works for you. As I have stated before… without a program… you can easily get lost and bored… both of which you do not want. So that specific piece of his advice… I took with a grain of salt. The part about expanding my mind and not getting “comfortable” in this environment because “I am not like the others”… felt weird at first but now (with time to process) I choose to look at as a compliment. Not that I think or feel that I am superior to anyone in here (or out there)… I appreciate the sentiment and agree that finding ways to stretch myself mentally during this time should be implemented into my routine. I spend hours per week working on my body (which also is a great mental health tool) but I am going to begin brainstorming avenues that I can grow mentally as well. There will never be a time in my life where I have the available “free time” that I have at my disposal right now… so, I might as well take advantage of it. This “processing of advise process” also made me look at how we tend to immediately shut off when someone begins to tell us something about ourselves or our lives that we need to change. If we allow a bit of time for it all to sink in without immediately turning up our noses’… we may be able to find the nugget and then graciously dismiss the rest.
His second major “nugget” was one that I completely agree with and think is especially true in the real world as well. He said… “And don’t ever lose that positivity thing you have going on. This place breeds negativity and that thing you have is unique to you Zach. Don’t let the system strip you of that. Look at me… I remember being 2 years in like it was yesterday and now it is over. Your journey too shall pass and if you can hold onto that light that you have. You will be better on the other side of it… not worse.” I let this sink in and told him that I choose to hold onto positivity every day because there is so much that I am grateful for in this life. But his comment made me think about the fact that our brain’s naturally focus on what is wrong in life… what we don’t like. If you really think about it… we dwell on insignificant negativities in our everyday lives’ like our partner leaving her towel on the floor after she showers… or someone interrupts you when you are talking… or your co-worker is always late for meetings. And because our brains focus on these daily negative events as opposed to all of the positive ones that are continually happening around us… whenever that negative event does actually occur… it rings in our heads’ like a gong that completely jolts our mood. The good things in life… by contrast… often go unnoticed or forgotten. But I strongly believe that it is possible with practice and discipline to flip this equation. I believe that we have the ability to make the conscious choice to focus our brains on the good that happens every single day in our lives. The ‘I love you’s from our kids… the great workout we just had… the food that just tastes better today… the weather fitting our mood… the small things. If we train ourselves to focus on the positivity all around us… we can still acknowledge that things are going to bother us but they will no longer control us. And by taking back this control of our emotional reactions… we are taking a step in the right direction toward a life filled with more moments of joy.
All in all… I found our conversation interesting and just another example of how this experience behind these walls has the ability to be a master class in personal growth. It is much harder to do in the real world but try to take the time to put the phones down and actually have a conversation with the people around you… you may be pleasantly surprised by the outcome.
Stay Healthy. Stay Active. Flip the equation… Flip the perspective.