Well… the southyard computers are still down so I will need to make this work within my 5 minute or so window. Here we go… Birthdays in prison. Or at least my birthday in prison. This was something… along with Thanksgiving and Christmas… that has been on my mind many times throughout the year. I am not a big “birthday guy” even in the real world so that piece of it was almost a relief. But the fact that days like your birthday force you to reflect on your life… reflect on the year that has passed and the year ahead… certainly brought it’s own positives and challenges.
I used the day to really look internally and reflect on my situation… the many birthdays prior and the wreckage that consumed my life during these birthdays. But then I realized that with all destruction… eventually… the destruction leads to construction. And this is where I decided to focus my energy. I have caused so much destruction in my life and the lives of the ones that I love but with every day (and certainly every birthday) that passes… I am determined to spend my days constructing… re-building… pouring a solid foundation for what is in the now and what is to come as opposed to what once was. I think this is such an important concept for me to own… that although I have made mistakes and caused so much “destruction”… the only thing that I have control over is when and how to start the “construction” phase.
I also spent the day realizing that each day and once again… each birthday… brings me one day and one birthday closer to spending this day with my boys and my loved ones. I could spend all my energy dwelling in the reality that today… I am alone and without these people by my side… but come on, what does that do for me or anyone else? Nothing. So… I refuse to go down that rabbit hole… instead I focus on the fact that I have made it this far… that my loved ones and boys have made it this far… and we will all continue to persevere and make the most out of our reality… until this reality changes.
I felt so loved by the real ones in my life on my birthday… I woke up with a smile and went to bed with a smile… and in here – that’s saying something. Thank you guys… sincerely… Thank you.
Stay Healthy. Stay Active. Send computer fixing vibes my way!!
Your attitude is admirable and your saving grace. Sending belated birthday greetings to you.
You are in your loved ones hearts and minds everyday, not just on your birthday (which of course you know!)….you are amazing and we are all better because of your insights on life that you share…take care and remember that not just on birthdays or holidays, you are loved…you are doing it and a role model for so many..happy Chanukah..Debbie Shapiro