Every week or so the BOP (Bureau of Prisons) and Terminal Island specifically posts an updated list of FSA (First Step Act) approved programs that are “available” to us. I put available in quotations because so far even though they may be “available”… it has been a process actually enrolling in a program. Since the FSA programs and credits officially were implemented on January 19, 2022… it’s still very new to everyone so this year will certainly be a learning curve which I assume will be much more streamlined as time goes on. These programs are EXTREMELY important for guys (like myself) that are “First Step Approved” because they allow us to earn 15 days per month off of our time here for participating in FSA approved programs or PA’s (productive activities).
So, as you can imagine, I monitor this list of programs like a hawk and request to sign up for absolutely EVERYTHING that becomes available to me. I was checking the list last week and saw that T.I. holds a weekly AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meeting on Tuesdays in the visiting area and that these meetings count as a productive activity aka earn me FSA credits. I attended some virtual AA meetings throughout 2021 but while I thoroughly enjoyed the fellowship aspect of the program… I felt a bit fraudulent (I know – I thought about the word choice as well… make your jokes and keep reading 😉 ) as I was not identifying with the core issues that were being discussed throughout the meetings. That being said, I figured I would give T.I.’s meeting a try and have an open mind to see if I could benefit (or add value to another guy) while earning credit along the way.
I head over to the visiting area at 5:15pm… the meeting starts at 5:30pm… and find a group of 15 or so guys standing outside the door, waiting to get in. Some holding books that I noticed had titles like, “Drop The Rock” or AA’s “Big Book”, while others were holding bags of coffee and cookies. I have to admit that I started pre-maturely judging these guys and almost went back to my unit… thinking that this wasn’t for me. Thankfully, I was already there and figured that the guards wouldn’t let me walk back anyway… so I stayed.
We entered the room and coffee gets brewed… cookies get passed around and we all find a seat in a circle. I notice that 3 people are already inside waiting for us… 2 men and 1 woman. The meeting starts and the 3 people waiting shake hands and start saying “Hello” to some of the guys that they recognize. I begin to realize that these 3 people live on the outside and come to this meeting every week. I am immediately blown away. “Normal people” drive to Terminal Island at 5:30pm every Tuesday to share, listen, learn and teach with a group of inmates. They battle rush hour traffic, security protocols and everything else that goes along with coming here to be with me… to be with us… I felt so appreciative and honored to be there with them. From that moment on… I had no doubt that this meeting was going to be special.
The level of vulnerability, honesty, heart breaking and some hilariously uplifting stories of perseverance and hope that I heard over the course of our 2 hour meeting is something that I will never forget. When you are living among the suffering of lives lost, dreams lost, families and futures lost… the suffering of remorse and regret, old age and dying… of pain and causing pain… and you hear these suffering men pour out their souls so eloquently and transparently; it takes your breath away. It took my breath away. It forced me to examine myself and dig into my experiences that got me into that seat in a visiting room of a federal prison. It solidified my decision to spend every single moment while I am here bettering myself. Working on myself. Learning. Listening. Experiencing. So that I can internalize it all and produce a better version of the man that I am today… tomorrow and tomorrow’s tomorrow… from this moment forward.
I left the meeting (and woke up on Wednesday) with such immense gratitude for every man and woman in that room on Tuesday night. I will be there every Tuesday evening… with coffee and cookies in hand… from now on.