Happy Father’s Day weekend to all the Dad’s out there… especially the ones behind the gates or about to be behind the gates. It is certainly a unique time of year for guys in here… elicits so many emotions… memories… wishes… regrets… smiles and tears. But it also provides an opportunity to reflect on the positives in our lives while never allowing the reality of our decisions to wander too far into the background.
First and foremost… I think the most important part of this weekend when you live behind the gates is to never allow yourself… even for a second… to forget that no matter where you lay your head down at night… you are still their Dad. Did you make massive mistakes that caused unthinkable consequences to them and everyone in your life? Yes, Dad… unfortunately you did. But you now have the opportunity to own these decisions and mistakes… internalize them and personally learn from them and most of all… use these lessons to teach your boys or girls out there crucial pieces of information as they navigate this crazy life.
The unfortunate reality of being an incarcerated Dad is that many people in the real world are going to tell you that you do not deserve certain things when it comes to being the parent that you “were” prior to your incarceration. There is no avoiding this reality… society and especially those who have been personally negatively impacted by our decisions and actions may feel as though part of our “punishment” is being stripped of access to our kids on days like today. But this is just another hurdle that we must conquer for our children out there. It is squarely on us to take this adversity in stride and understand that the only thing that matters as it relates to our kids… is showing up in every single way possible for them… independent of how hard it may be to do so. We are still their Dad and they still need us… possibly even more than they needed us before because they need to understand our missteps and that it was in no way their fault. They need to understand that we love them and would do absolutely anything to be with them but we must face the consequences of our actions. And when we have fulfilled our “debt to society”… we are going to be there with them again… and this time as Dad 2.0.
As I have discussed in prior years… I would be remised if I did not highlight the immense support that I have the pleasure of witnessing on weekends such as Father’s Day in here. It is truly remarkable to see hundreds of guys… basically strangers…show up for each other in such genuine ways. All understanding each other’s pain… celebrating that “great call I just had with the kids”… and simply but impactfully there to listen to one another’s stories… worries… victories and defeats. Just a bunch of “bad guys” showing up for the man standing next to them. And I must say… they definitely don’t look so bad from my vantage point… it is beautiful to watch. I will never forget the kindness… compassion and generosity and I will undoubtedly bring the energy with me back into the real world.
For this Dad behind the gates…I love my boys dearly on this day and every day. I will never fully forgive myself for being in here while they are out there but it is a reality that I must accept. It is a reality that I use to fuel my determination to show up for them every day while I am in here and every day for the rest of days when I am back out there.
Happy Father’s Day Dads. Keep your chin to the sun and keep showing up for them.
Stay Healthy. Stay Active. Stay Positive.
So beautiful and touching. Thank you for writing and sharing!!