Let me tell you a little story about appreciation.
Now… we, as human beings, take things for granted… lets be honest… it is just what we do. Whether that be time or money or people or relationships or being able to sit on a couch or sleep in an actual bed or take a shower without slides on… we hardly ever think about how good we have it until… well… we longer have it that good. There were many aspects of prison life that I anticipated being tough prior to waltzing through these gates. I knew it was going to be excruciating to not be physically present in my boys’ lives for a period of time. I knew it was going to be hard to not have the ability to experience life with my friends and family out there. I knew I would hate missing my nieces’ events and milestones. I mentally prepped for a lot of missing and wanting and wishing I was in another place… able to experience another thing for many years to come… I was as ready as I could be (even though you are really never ready) for some of this journey. But let me tell you what I wasn’t thinking about prior to checking into this gated community. What didn’t cross my mind when thinking about aspects of life that I took for granted out in the real world but that I would miss dearly once it was gone. What I have never really given much mental energy toward but now… now that I am in here… I (unfortunately) am forced to think about constantly…. underwear.
Yeah… that’s right… underwear. If you are reading this and living behind these gates is in your near future… do yourself a favor… look down… grab your waste and spend a moment truly giving thanks to those undies that are tightly… well fitted… adequately holding everything in place…. hugging your lower half right now because you are about to miss them more than you will ever understand. As a prisoner of the United States… you have two options as it relates to underwear in your new ‘home’…
Option one… prison issued boxers. Imagine a hybrid between a parachute and a brown paper bag with something resembling an elastic band at the top. Under this elastic band is what can only be described as an abundance of loose flowing fabric that does not even think about touching your skin in any way… let alone do anything close to the job that underwear is suppose to do. The coolest part about these bad boys is that they are so large… the bottom actually hangs out just below your shorts if would dare try to wear them to work out or walk the track. It is a look… not necessarily one that you would ever want to be associated with… but it is certainly a look none the less.
Option two…my personal choice… boxer briefs that you are “able” to purchase at commissary. I put able in quotations because I had the luxury of purchasing two packages (each package has two pairs) of my size of boxer brief when I started working at commissary… in 2022! Thankfully… these two packages lasted me for an extended period of time… lets say almost two years of wearing… hand washing in the shower… wearing… hand washing in the shower… over and over again. But toward the end of their life span… every single week that I shopped at commissary… I checked the little box next to “XL BOXER BRIEF” and then wrote a little ‘2’ in the quantity section…. highlighted the whole thing so that the worker could not miss this crucial shopping item and then prayed to the Canteen God’s that I would receive my gift of new undies on my shopping day. And for over a year… yes… over a year… I never was given boxer briefs. And if I did see those gems come shooting out of the window… my excitement was quickly extinguished when I got back to the unit to put them on… only to realize that they were the wrong size. Now… this may not sound like too big of a deal… I mean… I did have the original briefs to wear every day. But you must realize… low quality boxer briefs… being washed continually and worn continually every single day for years… creates a real issue for the elasticity of the band whose job lies in holding these briefs in the correct location throughout the day. My underwear was never where it should be… ever. When I worked out… half my butt crack was soaring above the “waistline” of my briefs… god forbid I try to do jumping jacks or something… those boys would only be held up by the legs of my shorts. My work pants… my visiting pants… my work out shorts…. all became belts in their own right… using their waistline to secure the waistline of my underwear beneath them. It was a chore… and not a pleasant one.
Until this past week… it’s a gorgeous Tuesday morning just after 6am. The sun is rising above the compound and the wind is blowing slightly so I can smell the ocean just outside the gates. “Horwitz…. Window A!” I hear over the loud speaker… I walk through the doorway… hit my finger print and stand there with my loose ass underwear that no one is aware of besides me being barely held up by my work pants. I’m holding my bag in my left hand… my right hand waiting at the bottom of the shoot when I feel a plastic bag hit my fingers. I look down and see it… in all it’s glory… a brand new package of XL boxer briefs resting on my finger tips. As my oldest son would say…. “O.M.G.!”… I was significantly more excited than any grown man should ever be about receiving anything but I was pumped. I rushed back to “the house”… took off my pants so that the piece of clothing formerly known as boxers could simply fall to the ground without any assistance from me… kick them into the corner of the room where they belong… tear open that new bag and slide on these snug… strapping… grey gems and from that moment on… this prison sentence has been just a little bit better.
And for that… I am extremely appreciative and grateful.
Moral of the story… just try not to take anything out there for granted. I know it’s hard and we are all going to forget at times but from underwear to time with our kids… it all matters man. So appreciate it for the gift that it is. And speaking of gifts… if you find yourself unwrapping a present and inside that box happens to be a brand new pair of socks or undies… before you think “WTF…. Thanks Mom”… know that there is someone out there (me) that would do many things for those treasures… so show them some love.
Stay Healthy. Stay Active. Appreciate the Undies.