Today is my youngest son’s 2nd Birthday. He won’t have his Dad with him to celebrate the big, smiley, cuddly, strong, smart boy that he is. He didn’t have his Dad with him on his 1st birthday either. His Dad was there, standing proudly (of his Momma and the little guy) the day that we brought him into this world… but I have missed both birthdays since that day. And no one is to blame for these absences besides me. These are the moments, the days, that you dread and lay up at night thinking about… the milestones that bring tears to your eyes every single time you allow yourself to process the reality.
These are also the days that solidify the message. Every second that my heart aches so excruciatingly bad that no matter what I try to do to distract myself… I can’t… the tears come. Like a seemingly unconscious reaction to every thought that runs through my brain… I just can’t stop crying. Every tear that falls… the message is reinforced. The longing to be there for my son… to hold and kiss him… to tell him how much I love him… how proud I am to be his Dad. These things, I cannot do today. I cannot do them because I broke the law and there are consequences to that… and worst of all these consequences are for him and his brother as well. My actions did not only take me away from my boys but they took my boy’s Dad away from them. Same physical result but exponentially more difficult to live with.
Today is hard. No way around it. Today I am living, every second of the day physically and emotionally feeling the consequences of my actions. I am so sorry to those hurt by these actions.
I am so sorry to you Bubba. I promise you, although we will never able to replace these days and milestones in your life, Dad will be there for every birthday, every game, every moment on the other side of this journey. I love you so much.
- Our actions have reactions.
- Our choices have results.
- Our words have impact.
Just do the right thing. Do not risk having your kids not have their Dad with them on their birthday. Nothing (and I mean nothing) is worth that risk.