Well… it’s a sick week over here at T.I. I’m not going to say the worst because it can always be worse but… when it comes to prison weeks… the sick prison week is a monumentally sh*tty kind of week… for me at least. Where the nights are sleepless… the days are slow motion and sneezy and the mood is sub par. Yes I know… it is well documented that I am a baby when I am sick but some trees in life are just too deep to uproot.
So… I’m moping around on Friday afternoon… feeling sorry for myself and praying to the health gods for this to be the last day that I feel like this and that I wake up Saturday morning able to breathe through my nose and not sneeze every 5 minutes. When I decide that I need to turn this around. And when I need a dopamine hit… heading out to the weight pile and sweating out what has to be the final leg of this demon inside of me is the only option. I put on the boots… wait for the move and head out there. The workout is doing it’s thing and I am actually starting to feel a bit better with each drop of sweat off my brow when I see one of the homeboys sitting by himself on a bench in the corner of the pile… not working out… not listening to music… not doing anything. “Strange”… I think to myself and head over there.
“What’s up man… you know you gotta actually lift these things out here to get any results… just looking at the weights isn’t going to cut it” I say to him…attempting to elicit a smile. “Bro… my life. Like what the fck” he says… drifting off into another world. I immediately realize that although he is physically here… he isn’t really here at the moment. “You alright man?” I say… knowing the answer but now that I have decided to insert myself into the situation… I’m kind of pot committed. “You know how I told you about my cousin a couple weeks ago?” he says. We had a conversation a couple weeks back because he learned that his cousin had committed suicide… sending complete shock waves through the family. “Yes… such a horrible situation man. Has to be unbelievably hard to deal with… especially in here” I tell him. “Yeah well… my Uncle just got picked up for first degree murder. No one is saying anything but he is the only one at the scene… including my cousin… with gun powder residue on his hands. My family is in shock. It’s mayhem”… he says while staring at the ground in front of him. “Well… what the fck did I just get myself into” I think to myself…. “Wow”…
I will not go into the rest of the conversation but that was the end of my workout and we continued to talk until the move. As I was walking back to my unit at yard recall… I found that I had completely forgot about my little stupid “illness” and was overcome by the realities of life. I have had this thought so many times since livin’ behind these gates but you just never know what the guy next to you is going through. And when you find out… on many occasions it puts whatever it is you are “going through” into crystal clear perspective.
Be kind. Be available. Don’t wallow for too long in today’s catastrophes. And just lean into gratitude. Most of the time… it could always be worse.
Stay Healthy (I’m almost there). Stay Active. Perspective is King… be open to it.