It’s Tuesday night… I started a new little evening routine this week where I rent a movie on my tablet and set up shop in the room after dinner to unwind and have a bit of time to myself. Shut that door… turn off the light… pop on the movie and disappear into another world for a couple hours. It was extremely nice and change #1 in my “new normal” that I began implementing over here. This week’s film premier was Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance With Somebody. The film was decent overall… I had that ‘stank face’ a few times that I can’t help but put on when I am witnessing someone absolutely slay a vocal performance (Naomi Ackie who portrayed Whitney killed it by the way). But as the film ended… I wasn’t left with thoughts of how fantastically ridiculous Whitney’s voice was or how her career defined a generation but instead I was overcome with a question. Why do we, as human beings, epically screw up our lives (at times… fatally) when all the aspects of that life are seemingly going so well?
We have seen it time and time again… Whitney… Elvis… Freddie Mercury… the list goes on. Even when thinking about some of my favorite actors such as Brad Pitt or Bradley Cooper… these guys had to hit rock bottom in their 30s and 40s… have the tough conversations… experience those traumas… and make that decision to change or they were going to lose it all. Why do we work so hard to make our dreams come true and then succumb to horrible decisions that destroy everything? We get the money that we think will solve our problems… we get married to the person that we think is the one… we climb to the highest point of our profession and then through drugs or booze or cheating or a combination of it all… we actively make choices that simple put… f*ck it all up. It is pretty perplexing if you really think about it… especially due to how prevalent it is.
We can point to the stress of the spotlight… deep seeded insecurities that drive us to “escape” because we feel that nagging imposter syndrome creep up… working so hard that we convince ourselves that we “deserve” a break from reality so we retreat into drugs and alcohol. And all of these are valid in their own right but I have to believe that it is something deeper… something more human… something ingrained into us that drives us to make these decisions and take these actions when life begins to show us the results that we have been striving toward. And this thought… led me to a notion that Joseph Campbell touched on in his book “The Hero With A Thousand Faces”. I have a love/hate relationship with this book. On one hand… it took me forever to get through because I really don’t get into the mythology type of storytelling. On the other hand… once I did get through it and process the underlying meaning of the book and his conceptual outlook on human behavior… I think he is an absolute revolutionary genius and we can point to his principles in many aspects of society today.
Let me attempt to unpack Campbell’s theory of what drives us crazy humans to do what we do and how this theory may help me/us answer the question as to why we make the decisions we make that result in us crashing and burning when we start winning in life…
So… lets call him or her our “Hero” (I’m going to go with him for ease of writing). The hero receives what Campbell refers to as a “call to adventure”. Some event happens in his life that forces him to embark on a journey that will put him face to face with harm and equal wonder. He is going to be met with challenges… tests and trials along the way. And throughout this journey… he will meet homeboys and enemies alike… maybe even fall in love a time or two. All of this culminating in a “supreme ordeal”. And if… only if… our guy is wise enough and strong enough to overcome his traumas and obstacles that he tackled along the way… he will come away with a “treasure”. And this treasure is not some pot of gold or anything with monetary value but instead… it is wisdom… it is worldly insight. And with his treasure… he returns home and does the only thing that makes a human life worth living… he helps others find their way.
Now… here’s what I’m thinkin’. Anyone who has reached the heights of “success” and fame as the above mentioned people and others (like myself) who have not reached these heights but certainly fall into the same category… can be labeled as a dreamer. We can sit by ourselves and concoct a life of wild success and happiness and wealth and love and admiration. We can envision the life that we are going to create for ourselves and our loved ones. The house we are going to live in and the one we are going to buy for our Mom and sister. The cars… the trips… the adventures… we can see it all. And the problem with the dreamer… the harsh reality of the dream… is that everything comes second to said dream. We lie to ourselves and tell ourselves that this isn’t the case but in truth… our family… our relationships… everything… it all comes second to the dream. And when we focus so intensely on turning this dream into reality…. we slowly start to drift away from the aspects of life that actually matter. And then when we “make it” and the dream comes true… we have spent so much time and energy focusing on the wrong “stuff” in life that we lost sight of what Campbell says is… “the only thing that makes life worth living”. And because of this blindness to what would actually make us feel fulfilled… we feel empty. And when we feel empty… we feverishly attempt to fill that hole in our soul with something. We reach for alcohol… for drugs… for sex… for admiration of strangers… for money…. for anything… just give me something that will make me feel adequate and loved and complete. But nothing does. And the more we attempt to fill that hole… the deeper we bury ourselves in the mud… until it’s too late.
We are all searching for something to make us feel fulfilled… and maybe… just maybe… what we are searching for “simply” lies in us taking our treasure home… and using it to help others find their way. I think this may be it… truth often lies in simplicity… and simply put… we are all just looking for purpose. There is immense power in this purpose… and adding the radiance of service on top… man… you got a life worth livin’. And with this purpose and service… you now have the soil… the soil that you will use to fill that hole… and fill it in the right way.
I hope you are finding your way out there. I hope you find your purpose. I certainly feel as though I am walking that road less traveled in the right direction in here… purposefully trekking along until that road leads to an open gate… with my beautiful tribe waiting on the other side. And then… a whole new journey begins.
Stay Healthy. Stay Active. Find Your Soil.