Can’t tell you where it came from or why but I wrote my boys an email this morning and I wanted to share… as maybe there is a parent out there at the beginning of his or her journey… whatever journey that may be… that can find some peace in knowing that we are going through it together…
To My Boys…
When I held you both tight against my chest that first day in the hospital… I knew my life was suddenly and infinitely richer because you were in it…
What I didn’t and couldn’t know is how you would beautifully shake up our worlds…
How you would unleash new emotions in every which way… while pushing me to a place that felt both uncomfortable and magical… all in the same moment…
You have already given me so many gifts… you both have freed me when I cannot free myself…
You both have given me incredible memories of carpool karaoke to the Tangled soundtrack on repeat… watching musical theatre performances in the family room… dance parties all over the house… quiet moments in the backyard with just me and you as the sun goes down… holding you in my arms in your room before bed and telling you secrets that I had never told anyone else… carrying you on my shoulders at the crack of dawn on Saturday morning to catch the garbage trucks driving by so we could wave to the drivers…
You have challenged me to speak clearly and live with a directness that I used to avoid…
I have experienced enough in this world to know that what happens next doesn’t need to be perfect and that is good because it won’t be…
The messy coloring that will one day become amazing drawings…the muddy footprints across the floors… all proof that you’re living and learning…
All of us will have days when we shed some tears… have bursts of frustration… meltdowns and misunderstandings…
All of us will also have moments filled with joy and hilarious nights born of nothing but silliness…
Unexpected adventures that magically tie our hearts closer together…
Time continues ticking… hours and days pass. But know this… you boys are free and will continue to be free…
You are free to explore this wildly complex world and drink up all of it’s goodness…
To one day begin to fight it’s injustices and do your part to make it better for others than it was yesterday for us…
You are both free to make a mess of things… just as I have… because I am not sure there’s any other way to move forward courageously…
And I promise you this… I will always be there… right by your side… to clean up that mess with you.
Thank you… my incredible sons… for waking me up…
I sure do love who you both are and who you are becoming beyond words…
Miss you boys…